Are you living your life or is your past living through you? Are you reacting to triggers from the past without realizing it? Or perhaps you are striving to make your life better, reacting to or resisting it rather than creating anything new?
I am reminded of a woman patient who gave a story of growing up in a family where the mother was abused emotionally by her husband and was not emotionally available to her children. Her daughter, my patient, eventually developed anger towards her mother because she wouldn’t leave her husband to protect herself and her children.
Today my patient is herself in an abusive relationship in which her husband does not support her, protect her against abuse from members of his family, and in turn is abusive and disrespectful to her. My patient does speak up for herself but it doesn’t make any real change in the relationship. She stays in the marriage for financial reasons.
In essence, my patient’s life really hasn’t changed from that of her mother. It is as though my patient has yet to find the answer to the question: ‘How do I create a marriage that is built on mutual respect and care for one another?’
This is one example of a recurring pattern running from one generation to the next.
We all absorb the unresolved emotional conflicts of our parents during the most vital and sensitive period of our creation – from conception, pregnancy and first year of life. Like a template, we will keep repeating our parents’ pattern until we become conscious of it. We can then be released from its hidden effect on our lives and start to live what we choose and create for ourselves.
Take note that there is no blame attached to our parents or grandparents. They were managing their lives as best as they could given their own hidden programs passed on from their parents and grandparents. And there is no victim either.
My patient was doing the best she could given what she knew of herself. She was unaware of what she really felt about herself at a deep level – ‘I don’t deserve better. There must be something bad about me for my husband to treat me this way. I am not lovable.’ It is the very same self-depreciating thoughts that her mother most certainly held about herself.
However, with awareness of the hidden pattern – with the right information – her perspective totally shifted and a whole other way of seeing herself and taking action about her marriage became possible.
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Important – Although I am a physician, the views expressed in this article are not representative of mainstream Western Medicine. If you have diagnosis of disease, be sure to also seek medical advice and care.
Want to use this article in your ezine or website? You can, as long as you include this complete acknowledgment with it - Dr. Nelie Johnson is a family physician and facilitator for healing – inspiring and guiding people to tap into their own healing potential. She is a contributing author to a bestselling book and provides seminars, workshops, and private consultations.
In this newsletter I want to carry on the theme of last month – more joy and happiness contribute to greater health – and tackle some of the key factors that block us from experiencing happiness and joy.
In addition I reflect on what I can do to bring more peace to the world. I am reminded of words of the Dalai Lama, reported in an interview he gave during a visit to Vancouver some years ago. He said we will not have peace in the world until each of us (well, maybe a lot more of us) find peace within our own heart. What are you doing to bring more peace into your life?
